Divorce can be a difficult and stressful process. It is a transitional
period with a lot of change. It can be emotional for not just spouses
but for the children. Kids don’t often understand what is going
on and will be scared about the impending split. It is important that
you explain things to them and let them know what is happening. To help
you with that process, we have compiled a few tips on how to talk to your children.
Tell the Kids Together
Make sure both parents are present when you break the news to your children.
It is important to present a unified front when discussing the divorce.
This will reassure the kids and show them that you are both in agreement
and doing what is best for the family.
Don’t Blame Each Other
Regardless of why you are getting a divorce or whose fault it is, it is
important not to bring that into focus for your kids. You don’t
want to blame each other or share inappropriate information with the children.
It is important to try to preserve the parental bonds between parent and
child. Don’t try to malign your ex’s image for the sake of
This is a scary time filled with changes with everyone involved, especially
your children. Make sure you and your ex remain calm so as not to frighten
the kids even more. Your children look to you for guidance. If you start
worrying or showing anger or fear, it will only transfer to them.
Make Sure the Kids Know It’s Not Their Fault
Children can oftentimes blame themselves for their parents’ divorce.
Make sure to pointedly address and reassure them that it is not their
fault. Have them understand that it is a decision you and your ex came
to together and is not because of anything they did.
Explain What Will Happen After the Divorce
Divorce is terrifying and will leave everyone involved wondering what the
future will hold. Make sure to explain and discuss with your children
what you expect to happen. Discuss who will move where, where the kids
will be expected to reside, etc. Ask the kids to express their wishes
and have an earnest conversation about the divorce.
Give the Kids Time to Adjust
Divorce can be a big surprise, especially for children. After you and your
spouse have broken the news, give them time to adjust to the idea. There
will be questions, strong emotions, and confusion; be prepared for them.
Offer your children support and guidance in coming to terms with this
new way of life.
At James D. Madden & Aruna P. Rodrigo, Family Law Attorneys, we understand how difficult divorce
can be. Whether it is a mutual separation or a contested divorce, we can
help. Call our San Bernardino divorce attorneys today for a consultation.